The whole affair is based on the primal act of getting some - you both know why you turned on the computer. There is no intimacy involved in Skype sex. You think it will help fill the silence and boost the mood, so you end up doing it, but no one can get away with talking dirty over video chat. And dirty talk + Skype = extreme awkwardness. Unless you’ve had half a bottle of tequila, dirty talk is already awkward. Technology was never meant to improve sex.ĭirty talk.
There are certain positions that nobody needs to get stuck in. You have to turn off the vibrator, redial each other on Skype, readjust the webcam and make sure it’s in the right position before you can continue again.
You’re really into the moment, and the connection drops. There’s way too much to think about, and it can be hard to concentrate. Having an orgasm is that much harder when you’re doing it in front of a camera while someone’s staring at you.
Guys could get it done in the middle of a tsunami. Okay, for guys, maybe this isn’t an issue. I have second-hand awkwardness just thinking about it. It’s just embarrassing trying to breath heavily while you’re touching yourself and looking into a web cam - you end up feeling like the star of a cheap porno. At least during real sex, you can breathe heavily and act like you’re into it, even of you aren’t. And the awkward silences - they happen, and they’re bad. And where do you put the camera? On your face? On your…? I don’t know which is worse. It’s even worse keeping tabs on how you look while you’re trying to get off. Does anyone ever actually like the way they look on Skype, in that little box peering around trying to meet their own frantic gaze? You always end up looking poorly lit, washed out, and like you have three chins. No matter how sexy and put together you think you are, you are going to make a clumsy move or find some way to feel awkward. Turn off your computer and go sleep with someone you actually care about.” What would Steve Jobs say? Probably something like, “This is not what I spent my life’s genius trying to achieve. “Skype sex” by definition is essentially masturbation that happens to occur in front of a web cam. There is no touching, no kissing, no actual, physical contact with the other person.
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